i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
