ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
