i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His hands were made for my vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
