It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want nice things and good sex
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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