I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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