I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
