He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
