I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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