I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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