Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
