we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
