is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my penis made a compromise with my morals
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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