She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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