Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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