turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
