Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
