he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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