If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
