The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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