eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
