i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
