You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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