So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
