you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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