i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
