Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
