omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to fling myself into the sun
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
