i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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