My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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