dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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