i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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