Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need to get me chipped asap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
