I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
