Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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