where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
