My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
