My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
