Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
