you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
