Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
