Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
