dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
