all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His hands were made for my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
