I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
