you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
