so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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