exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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