we're blogging at a bar
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
