I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are the jesus of drinking
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
