The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
