bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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