Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
