we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
